A New Day...

Taking a break... Rachel picked our spot

just a snap shot

Rachel rolling down the hill - Patrick's over to the right..

How close can I get without getting very wet?

We've been playing with these toads since they were in pull-ups!

Is he serious? A drink from that toad? (ick)

tired thatched cottage... see.. pansies look tired..

Love these crepe myrtles tree branches...

Taking another break ... Patrick always has a 'stick' with him... never know when you'll need a stick, weapon, walking stick, gun, sword... let's see -what else was that stick today? :)

Rachel - on break checking out our map and where we were heading next.. :)

Love these crepe myrtles... this was on the walk towards the 'toads'

one of the 'pioneer' buildings.. he looks natural there...with his stick...

She loved the covered wagon!

They both loved the teepee...

Yes - she touched the fox skin... then she asked me for the hand sanitizer... :)

Can you see doing this? Not me... glad I don't have too!

So glad I didn't have to grow up in a sod house too! :)

I had the best time today with my children.
I made a whole big lunch- and packed a huge cooler (with wheels) and as leaving realized Goldie -(the wonder dog) had eaten the coupon for the park! (sigh) Nothing like being late...
I picked up Patrick and Rachel and they were so engrossed in their 'electronic games' all the way to the park. (sigh again)

The day started chilly - 38 degrees and supposed to be 62 - but so sunny and just a glorious day.

I love The Arboretum - especially in the Spring - with everything in bloom it just seems so promising.

The children laughed and ran, ran and ran some more and laughed and rolled down hills of beautiful soft green grass.

The sun was warm the breeze was light and the fragrance of the hyacinth was everywhere! I had never seen so many hyacinth! The daffodils were tall and stately everywhere and the forsythia was the backdrop in so many areas.
The park has wonderful areas for the children - They have a pioneer village with buildings (all half size) and another area is a "Texas type houses and buildings, gardens, hand pump for water, a sod house and a tee pee! We spent most of our time in these areas!
We ran into two friends today! Amazing if you ask me - with the hundreds and hundreds of people there today! One of Patrick's classmates and friends from church! :)

We did find a small area of shamrocks - so appropriate for today! There is a small thatched cottage that is starting to show it's age I'm afraid... they used to have it surrounded with wild flowers and tulips but as much as I love pansies - they seemed a bit tired today.

Did I tell that while we were standing in line - I pulled my camera out to check it and realized I left the batteries at home? No? Well - it's not something I have EVER done before and immediately thought - "drive home and pick up the battery pack?" and immediately thought, "No - it's 40-50 miles home - just let it go Tammy" so I 'snapped pictures with the phone camera and was just thankful I had remembered my phone!" :)

It was a beautiful day and the most sun and fresh air we've had in had in a while! It was a wonderful time with the children and as I dropped them off at their grandparents to spend time with their dad - someone said, "Enjoy your quiet time" ... but you and I know coming home to an empty house is the furthest thing from "enjoyable" but do you know what? I had the most wonderful time with the children - laughing and listening to them talk and enjoy the sunshine. Hugs were plentiful and as we sat enjoying our time I know that this is a treasured place not only for me - but this year I think it's going to be a special place with the kiddos as well. We spread our blanket out several times and just talked and laughed with each other and I wouldn't trade that for anything!

I've been coming to this park since the 1980's and have enjoyed the changes over the years - but this year the changes were with me and I'm OK with that today . I know that God is good. I know He loves me. I know HE is going to protect me and I'm going to make it through this time. :)

Hope you enjoy the pictures!

Loss and Loss = Gain?

Lately I feel like I am just losing and losing things - not buttons or eye glasses - it's the loss of a life promised, the loss of my children one night a week and 3 weekends a month and the upcoming Spring Break is overwhelming me with the loss of them over those days. The loss of a marriage that we agreed to love each other through thick and thin and good and bad and richer and poorer loss of dreams of sharing a life, watching our children grow, the possibility of grandchildren,. A promise we made before God and our family that has just crumbled around me.

The loss of my marriage is as saddest thing since the loss of my parent's marriage. its one of those sadness's where you end up on the floor crying so hard you cannot breathe - the ache in my body hurts so much I lose track of food, dates and time. The first four days without my children I walked around the house not able to breathe - seriously - I think I was in shock and cried myself to sleep more nights than I remember - How can I be a mother when i don't have my children - I know in my heart I am still their mother but I hate being without my children when I didn't ask for the divorce.... my heart breaks when they are gone. I know they are having quality time with their dad and their grandparents are very close and for that I am thankful.

This blog is not going to be about bashing him. Nothing in that glorifies the Lord or doesn't help the situation for anyone. I have two young children and we both want what is best for them - but that is 'not' for our marriage to salvaged at this time. I don't know what the Lord has for the future but I am leaning on Him for guidance. This doesn't mean I just sit back and 'wait' I have submitted so many applications for jobs and had so much rejection in that area.
Some jobs were not direct rejection - it's just I cannot work a 9-6 job and drive 30-40 miles each way - each day - I have young elementary school age children and truly feel that the Lord wants to me be more apart of their lives than breakfast -dinner and to bed. Before this - I think I was pretty sheltered in the sense I really got every job I ever applied for! Quite the ego booster that used to be! I worked hard for 20+ years and now... I've had one job that would have me driving 60 miles a day and home late every day and another one that wanted me there at 5 AM to unload trucks. :( I cannot do that job - b/c I have elementary age children AND as a single mother just cannot do that job~ who would get my children off to school each morning?

The loss of expectations is all around me - expectations of marriage, love, dreams, affection and my children, the house we built together.

The oddest loss is that of some friends - I am not going to spend time on that - but I just cannot be around people who are going to continue to 'bash' my ex or work against me behind my back It doesn't help anyone and hurts still. I am the first person to say none of us are perfect and he has hurt me to my core but I will not and cannot tolerate it for my children's sake. It is not reflective of God's love for us - and that He sent His Son to die on the cross so that we may be saved and not perish but have everlasting life with Him.I've sought counsel on this subject and come to the realization some friends just don't make it through tragedies as I am going through and I just need to trust the Lord to bring new friends into my life and heart.
(feels like Jr. High or something and I just don't need that drama right now)

So... loss of a marriage, loss of affection, loss of some friends, loss of expectations, loss of my children on a regular basis, rejection from my husband, job rejections and I am sad right now - to my soul sad with the complete and utter loss I feel.
But I know that my Redeemer Lives and because of that I can face tomorrow. I will take it day by day and sometimes minute but minute but HE will bring me through this. In Divorce Care class one of the counselors said "- divorce is not a lifestyle - it's just something we are going through right now.." . and so this is just something I'm going through - Sometimes it feels like you are walking around with a big "D" on your forehead or a scarlet letter pasted to your chest - so be patient as I find my way, as the Lord brings us through something that is so sad. AND I know He will bring us through this and may He be glorified.

I think about Job at this time - and I although I've not lost everything it definitely feels like it some times - and I just pray that in some way the Lord be glorified in the circumstances He has me in at this time in my life. I know I'm going to stumble - I am human. And I'm going to share some of my walk with you.

Take care of you and your loved ones! Give them a hug too!

Eph 3:20
Ps 91
Is 43
Rom 8:38-39
Is. 41:13
2 Cor.9:8
Rom 8;28
Deut. 31:6

More baking......... :)

Ok - I might be going overboard for me with the baking but with the schools closed today and it being 27 degrees this morning it was a perfect morning for experimenting with a new recipe I found! :)

So... here it is: Chocolate-Cherry-Cream Cheese Cinnamon Rolls

its from a yummy looking Southern Living Magazine I splurged on for myself!

Now- dried cherries - did not have any and the recipe came out super anyway but I can imagine that the cherries would have been divine in this recipe - and may stock up on them next time I am at the store. :)

This recipe calls for the frozen biscuits instead of making your own dough - (pretty cool) makes it very easy! I guess it's one of those 'semi-homemade' recipes :)

After the biscuits thawed we were to roll them/pat/squish them together to make a rectangle of the dough. Then slather them with the 80z package of cream cheese. (Patrick did not like the cream cheese) Had to make him some cereal for breakfast... this is normal for 'the boy'.

After the cream cheese came the brown sugar/cinnamon mixture...ooh smelled so yummy while baking. :)

Rachel was my helper and then she took over the camera when I was cutting the rolls.

Oh - don't forget the chocolate chips! The recipe called for a CUP of chocolate chips!

WoW - finished product! IT was wonderful - definitely a keeper recipe! Oh My - that's all I can say.. they were wonderful I had a big glass of milk and children had hot chocolate... nice way to start the cold, cold morning!

Oops forgot - we did a powder sugar/milk icing on top - it was wonderful pouring it over the top of the hot cinnamon rolls.

New Year... and more blogging...

A new year - and I want to get back into baking and cooking like I used to do - so.... what a way to start - Dream Scones. They were very easy to make - but some new techniques for me - they had me 'grate' the butter into the dish - which was a lot easier than chopping and trying to not 'melt' the butter while cutting it up. :)

Rachel surprised me with a chocolate cookbook - now- the cookbook is not made of chocolate but every recipe in it has cocoa in it in some way shape or form so this was our first recipe to make! OH - my - the house smells wonderful right now! :)
See all that yummy butter in there? It was a bit dry and not balling up so I added a teaspoon more of buttermilk and it was perfect. Then divide the batter into four parts and then roll out and divide each quarter into quarters hence the .....

many many scones.... wish I could share them but the kiddos actually took most of them to school to share with their teachers. :)

Look how wonderful they popped up to - and so rich but not as sweet as you'd think - just yummy!

This was the moon yesterday morning - so beautiful and something I always take a moment and pay attention too - don't know why - but I'm always fascinated with the sky and it's beauty :) But I wanted to share it with you!

Have a wonderful day and a great New Year!

Random December pictures....

I've just picked some random pictures from the month of December to share - it was just such a busy busy and unusual month. I won't go into a lot of details but there were so many good parts to the month that I had to share!

First - Ryan Patrick turned 10 years old! He wanted a Transformer cake and the local Krogers made this for me - it looks like a cake but...it's cupcakes put together with icing over top decorated like a cake! So - no knives to carry and forks to forget..... just pull it apart! :)
For Christmas at our home - Santa surprised Patrick with a real bow and arrow set with target! He had a blast - we've been shooting bows and arrows with scouts for two years now and he's pretty good! :)
He HITS the target! I do NOT as much as I try and try! I try to not say too much except practice practice practice - and the dog is not allowed outside while he's shooting! :)
One of Rachel's new dresses - I knew she would love - and cute little knit hat - she loves hats!
While in Florida - you can pick just about any fruit from a tree you want - star fruit, grapefruit, oranges and we found this great tree of tangerines! They looked and smelled wonderful so Patrick went to take a bite and.....................................
NOT SO SWEET.............Probably the most sour piece of fruit he's ever had ...... doesn't even look like my boy!
Rachel sat in Uncle Bobby's 1941 Chevy Truck for a picture! She's a natural isn't she?
Children and I loved the porch swing at Uncle Bobby's and Aunt Sharon's house!

Rachel making her first gingerbread house!

Later that night - still working on it........... :)
Her very first - and I hope the first of many !
Rachel and Grammy singing and dancing on a big tree - I think they were singing "Has Anybody Seen My Gal"or something - Uncle Bobby teased about putting it on You tube!!! LOL
My Uncle Bobby and Aunt Sharon with the my two precious kiddos.
Grammy and Grandchildren riding down the Suwannee River
One of my new favorite pictures of me and my girl............ :)
We went looking for manatee - Aunt Sharon saw one the week before right by their dock!!
Patrick and Lucy - nothing like a boy and his dog...
Our first snow on December 2nd. Goldie loves the snow!
Patrick and Goldie - before school
It was so cold I just drove them to school but the bell was getting ready to ring so instead of waiting in carpool line they walked the last bit to school! That's Rachel in pink! Yes - I carry my camera pretty much everywhere! :)
While the kids were at school the dogs kept warm on the couch! What a pair!
That's it - cannot believe 2009 is almost over - where has the time gone. In a year that has been one of the toughest in my life and could have been one of the worst - the Lord has blessed me with so much. My friends are amazing be it - just checking on me , helping me pack for our move, bringing me hot food when needed, just letting me cry or encouraging me. The Lord has provided me with family near and far that love me and pray for me. The Lord provided me with a house when with 5 days to move we didn't know where we were going! The street we moved to has been a true blessing - my neighbors are wonderful and so friendly - and lots of children who are always knocking on the door for my two! The Lord has provided me a church family that is gracious and kind. I would be lost with Him and those He has provided for me. God is good and His mercies are new every morning.

I do need to find a job and that is my next focus. I'll keep you posted - and if you think about me please say a prayer that it will be clear what direction the Lord wants me to head.... I want to work in the school system so I can be on the same schedule as the children - but have put applications in at a local grocery store, insurance company and now Frito Lay - so I'll keep you posted. :)