Long Due Update......

I realized the other day, it has been way too long since I've updated everyone. I think Facebook has had a little to do with that but over all I've taken the last 2 years to heal since my last posting.

The Divorce was overwhelming in every aspect touching and reaching to places in me around me that I never dreamed. Its little tendrils filling up spots in my heart and head that I typically show no one.. IF you ask my dad...."How are you today?" He resounds with "Handsome, Charming and Debonair' .... this is ANY DAY of his life..... you ask him, this is the response you receive. He believes your response as a Christian should always be 'up' I try and most of the time it works but some days... I just it just was NOT happening.

The Lord has brought me through so much pain, so much rejection and loss and ... here I am. A single mom that realizes that the changes are not over. Changes are inevitable and for a person who doesn't like change... its very hard knowing that every day things are changing. Makes it feel just a bit to fluid for my liking. :) I never wanted this for my children ( or me) As my children left yesterday with their grandfather for a weekend with their dad.. I looked at them.. really looked at them.... they hugged me, kissed me and were laughing and just happy. THAT is all I can ask. My son rolled down the window and said, "See you Monday Mom, I love you!" That always makes me take pause and treasure those moments.

God is good though and I trust Him so .... my job is to keep my children in the Word as best I can with them gone HALF the time. But I am thankful that their dad is ( or seems ) to be more involved now in their lives.

I'm so thankful for my children, they are amazing... they are really are..... hard times do that to children. They become sensitive to things around them and to people. They are so sweet to me and help me everyday with house stuff. Although not making them sound like perfect children... (lol) They do want to avoid homework to play outside with friends, they do want to avoid cleaning their rooms.. but I think thats normal.... right? But they are quick and fierce with their hugs and kisses. :)

Estes Park, Colorado / July 2010

At the Stanley Hotel... how would you like to see this each time you looked out your window?

just beautiful flowers.....

fell in love with these daisies......

Patrick and his counselor......

The Stanley Hotel

this little acorn was put up to cover the original symbol put up...... which was a swastika ... before Hitler the symbol was actually a nature symbol with some American Indian tribes.. (I never knew that!)

Did you know that the Stanley Steamer land record was not broken until this century? Took us over 100 years to come up with another steam automobile that could match what the Stanley brothers put together.... They were very very interesting.

Sweet Rachel posing for me..... in front of yet another beautiful lake, trees and sky.

just beautiful mountains...... AND children! it was sooo cold.. down in the valley it was 30 degrees warmer than it was at the taking of this picture!

Rachel and her counselor..... they are singing a song..... she didn't see me taking this picture or there would have been quite a sour look on that sweet face... (lol)

We ran into friends......... Parker on the far right next to Patrick are in the same scout den, then Rachel and another one of Parker's brother... and he has two more brothers in there some where... haha.... The man in the back ground was a ... John Denver 'want to be' and did a pretty good job.. He had the children up there singing and it was so funny. Did you know that Twinkle Twinkle Twinkly Little Star and the ABC song have the same melody? The children did not... and all of a sudden did not even know the abc song.. it was so funny..

Bear Lake

Hiking up to this water fall about killed us... the altitude, we had to stop every 20-30 yards there for a bit... it was crazy.

A little friend who followed us on our hiking...

not wanting his picture taken.. see his eyes closed? haha

Camp! They started each day like this and ended each day like this....singing!

This is the Tortilla Basket song...... this is Patrick's counselor.

Another drive.... and beautiful views.....

a lake near the continental divide...

I love this picture.......... that's Patrick in the shadows in front of me and Rachel is in front of him in the sun light...

Breakfast one morning... 53 degrees and love those mountains.......

The "B" Family from our home church here in Frisco! IT was so much fun to run into them here in Estes Park.... we met at a local park and listened to a local band playing jazz.....

There are deer everywhere........

Patrick is trying to reach out and touch that tree.... in my head I'm thinking "please do not fall off your horse... b/c if you fall.. I'll need to jump down and I do not think I'll be able to get back up by myself!" giggle.....

some of the campus and lodges at the "Y"

They are always so nice to let me get a picture of them........ I love my children!

This is a very well known area... hmmm see that creek over on the left? I washed my hair in that freezing ice cold water back in the mid 80's...... I love that now I'm bringing my children here.

Finally arriving in Estes Park........ it is beautiful.

and the "Y"

our room

It has been so long since I've 'blogged'......... that I am going to start with where I left off.

I still cannot believe that the last time I posted was Maine...... shame on me.... lol

I've been going through so many emotions, problems, solutions, trials and blessings and I need to share them with you!

First we had a 2nd vacation last summer....... 5 days at they YMCA of the Rockies.. in Estes Park, Colorado...... I have to say..... one of the most beautifully located cities in the world..... :)

I know for regulars it is a bit 'touristy'.... but for Colorado- for us - our first summer vacation there.... it was wonderful. We didn't go into town very often. We stayed at the amazing YMCA.

I had already set aside the money for that trip so we stayed in one of their lodges and it was a very very nice hotel room minus a TV..... We ate on property with their kitchen providing amazing foods at each meal.

The children went off to day camp; 8:30am to 3:30pm and loved it.. they have talked about and sang the songs from camp all year long. I was so impressed with their counselors.... Patrick's counselor was majoring in Business at Baylor University and Rachel's counselor is majoring in pre-law at SMU.

I enjoyed the days with hikes in the Rocky Mountain National Forest which was only 2 miles away. One day driving to the top of the mountain and finding the Continental Divide. I also napped and read 3 books! I loved it. I also went on a tour of The Stanley Hotel where Stephen King came up with the idea for his book; The Shining. Our tour guide was a very itty bitty girl but dynamic in her story telling. She had us laughing so hard... and looking around each corner for ghost.

There was a silk scarf painting class I wanted to take... but for some reason it did not fit in my lazy days of reading and napping... haha

We rode horses one day, hiked another day and swam in the indoor pool each evening. I had packed enough snacks and drinks that all we did was change our ice in our coolers each evening.. I would recommend this camp to anyone...... they have something for everyone and they are able to provide for large groups or small family such as ours.

quick update.... Maine

My children LOVE the ocean.. does not matter the water is freezing...

I cannot tell you how beautiful Maine is to me. I love the rocky coastline. I love the breezes that blow in from the ocean.

I also am enjoying our house we've rented. Along with it being a century old post office being refurbished to hold our family upstairs - it is an actual post office downstairs. We will meet 'our' postman later today when we mail our postcards we've been writing to our friends. :)

This morning I made a yummy breakfast - I hate going out and spending money when for a few dollars you can put together a yummy breakfast each morning all week! Although we've gone through our farm stand strawberries we found along the road in just one day... we'll need to find a new farm stand today! So a bit of coffee, fresh farm eggs, bacon, strawberries, toast and juice! Today I'm going to town and find the local cheese store I read about online too! Yes - this lovely post office has wireless internet - (perfect vacation for me) I'm able to keep everyone updated and I love being connected.

I'm hoping we can find a 'sandy' beach today. :) The kiddos need it. They are getting a bit grumpy about all the walking I have them doing right now! But it's vacation - right? AND we are in a beautiful state - so let's go and see it!

(this is our back yard)

Another Update.... (one day I'll have a good one for you)

I've decided being single just stinks...

I've been doing better each day but a friend today reminded me something that I've learned very recently - that it just takes ONE day - sometimes just ONE thing to sorta pull the rug out from under you and remind you are single again.. and at this time when "I'm" reminded of that it reminds me I"m divorced and the person I married for forever doesn't want to married to me -forever, and then of course it's a downward spiral of being alone and having no one to lean over and talk to or ask their thoughts on something or hold hands with or cook for and leave notes too or just smile at for no reason.

In February I was feeling better and starting to 'get hold' of life or rather ME again and two friends I thought were friends for life pulled the rug out from under me and it has taken me almost 3 months to recover from - I never dreamed that friends would do such a thing. But it crushed me and hurt so bad that I hid in my house, cried allot and afraid to go out and be seen by people for knowing that they were talking behind my back and who knows what.

But I've come through that - I still don't know why it happened. I know that it was uncalled for and especially by a friend. The Lord has brought me through it and I feel I've grown up somewhat through it - and their actions really only reflect on themselves.

So now this past Friday I had another day where the day bolstered me and I'm starting to feel 'normal' again. (3 months from the last time I've felt this good) I'm excited about the summer and a bit excited and nervous about the traveling we are going to be doing. I'm excited about the classes I'm taking and realizing I am smart, funny and can still be "me" after all this time. I'm 47 years old and am looking forward to this second half of my life.

Today church was tough - I really have a tough time going to church and not being in church .. (I had nursery duty today) ... and went home to get ready for the church picnic and went to the park and IT WASN'T THERE.(not the park - the church picnic).. they hadn't reserved the park - and there was a large function going on already and NO one from the church was there... (?)

I walked all over the park looking for them carrying a huge pan of brownies and the tomato cucumber salad. Couldn't find anyone - started calling the numbers I had and couldn't reach anyone. ( - they were busy picnicking) That's when I started to crumble - feeling alone and the only one left out of the picnic .. the one NOT included .. and I felt it creeping up in me again.. I felt alone and being reminded that I'm alone.

NOW.. before you get all mushy on me - I KNOW in my heart that I'm not alone - and that the Lord is with me and I have my children most of the time. BUT... a lot of the time I am by myself and I feel Satan just uses this against me. :( It's not enough I'm by myself.. but I have to deal with him and the doubt and hurt that envelopes me)

I went home after calling my dad to cry a bit - I checked my email and found out they had moved the picnic! So I against everything in me I drove to the new park and found everyone and even though they had finished eating I sat down and made my plate and one sweet woman came up to me and hugged me and I just tried to hold back the tears b/c of her kindness. She's in her 2nd marriage and she knew what I was going through and just let me hang with her. I am so thankful for her and her openness. (my pastor came up to me after he received my voicemail and just apologized and apologized - I had to make him to stop or I'd be crying) He's a very tenderhearted man. Churches really fail when it comes to divorced people and I'm not sure why - is it awkward and they don't know what to say? I'm not sure. Even today someone walked up to us and said, "It's great to be here with my wife... but then he stopped and I could tell he felt awkward for a moment b/c he'd remembered I was recently divorced... it was awkward. I was glad he enjoyed being there with his wife... but it reminded me I was there alone. Our church is so new - I am the only divorced person in the group. So.... I'm not going to find another church ... so we're going to have to figure it out.

It's a new life and full of new possibilities. :) I just wish I was stronger - and didn't have these days that bend me so low to the point of dissolution and such sadness. This evening I am OK - I'm glad I went against everything in me and went to the picnic even though it was tough. I didn't stay as long as I would have in the past but I stayed a couple of hours and came home. My children come home tomorrow and I'm SO GLAD and I want to get some cleaning done and be ready for when they arrive.

I am going to be doing online schooling this summer for a medical billing certificate. Something new for me - but it will be my back up plan if getting a job in the school system doesn't work out. It's a job hopefully I can do part time or full time from home. So - if you think about me to say a prayer please pray for a job in the school system so I can have summers off with my children. That would be my prayer ~ but of course I'll go what direction the Lord will have me go. :)

Goodnight - have a good week Ya'll!

Just some snap shots of folks lately........

My cousin Angie came over for lunch one day and the children had a wonderful time getting to know her! Can't believe she lives in Arlington and we are just now getting together! :)

PawPaw, Jenny, Calvin and AJ - we went to this yummy little restaurant in downtown Ft. Worth!

PawPaw and I :) ~ it's always a bit sad when he leaves Texas....

What can I say? The cutest/sweetest children in the world with their PawPaw - we had a picnic in one of the local parks and walk after dinner.
Paw Paw trimmed his own beard! :) He's getting quite 'independent' as of lately...


You can't see it - but there were beautiful homes on either side of this walking path.. it was so nice AND I love after dinner walks. :)

A Year in Hymns #2

I am Thine, O Lord

I am Thine, O Lord, I have heard Thy voice,

and it told Thy love to me;

But I long to rise in the arms of faith,

And be closer drawn to Thee

Chorus

Draw me nearer, nearer, blessed Lord,

To the cross where Thou has died,

Draw me nearer, nearer, nearer blessed Lord,

To Thy precious bleeding side.

Consecrate me now to Thy service, Lord,

By the pow'r of grace divine;

Let my soul look up with a steadfast hope,

And my will be lost in Thine.

O, the pure delight of a single hour

That before Thy throne I spend,

When I kneel in prayer, and with Thee, my God,

I commune as friend with friend!

There are depths of love that I cannot know

Till I cross the narrow sea;

There are heights of joy that I may not reach

Till I rest in peace with Thee.

Fanny Jane Crosby (1820-1915)

This wonderful hymn was co-written with a close friend and collaborator of Fanny's - William H. Doane - in the line written "I commune as friend to friend" is an allusion to her dear friendship with Doane - IF a mere human can be such a friend, how greater would a friendship be with the Author of love, the Lord of all? Crosby had a talent for focusing attention on Christ and on the glories of eternal life with Him. In that way she opened the eyes of believers everywhere.

After reading this hymn - it has been in my head for days -and especially the lines; 'Let my soul look up with a steadfast hope, and my will be lost in Thine'. That is where I want to be - I want to look up with a steadfast hope - and my will be lost in HIS - b/c my heart while broken, is hopeful- only in my Heavenly Father -and for my children though;- everywhere else is I'm a bit 'gun shy'. But I have had moments this last week that give me hope for the future. There have been less tears - more laughter than in a while. I've been learning so much in Divorce Care classes and realize in staying focused on Christ - even in this divorce that 'P' and I can reconcile - not in marriage but 'reconcile' means to live in peace and/or harmony - and where the children are concerned we are reconciled - and for that I am so thankful. Where our children are concerned - we are 'reconciled' so the children have a continuity that so many divorced families do NOT have. We are not badmouthing each other, we consult each other regarding school, health and even movies (thank you Lord). He let me take them to church service on Easter even though it was his weekend.

This past weekend we had our Open House! The children planned it and loved it! -They have been wanting to have friends over for months! So we finally had our house put into enough order to 'have' people over! It was so much fun and just bolstered me; seeing everyone who came to visit and the children were running and laughing and playing for hours - the whole day truly stocked my soul with such happiness. The Lord has blessed us tremendously with friends and I thank the Lord each day for them. I thank the Lord for our new church - I feel the Lord brought them here just for me (some days)- He introduced me to our church family and put them in place a very short time before the word divorce came into my world.

So that when I needed them - the Lord had them in place! When I fell to my knees - they were there. They have helped me pack, helped put up shelves, helped move furniture and even pre-emergent for my yard! They have hugged me when I needed it - cried with me and invited me places - it is so amazing - and I am so thankful for each and every one of them.

so thankful for those who pray for me - who love me and my children and for the children's dad (yes, I am) , for family and friends.

So with a renewed steadfast hope I will lean on Him and look to the future, may my will be lost in HIS will - Jeremiah 29:11 says, "I have a plan for you declares the Lord -to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future

A New Day...

Taking a break... Rachel picked our spot

just a snap shot

Rachel rolling down the hill - Patrick's over to the right..

How close can I get without getting very wet?

We've been playing with these toads since they were in pull-ups!

Is he serious? A drink from that toad? (ick)

tired thatched cottage... see.. pansies look tired..

Love these crepe myrtles tree branches...

Taking another break ... Patrick always has a 'stick' with him... never know when you'll need a stick, weapon, walking stick, gun, sword... let's see -what else was that stick today? :)

Rachel - on break checking out our map and where we were heading next.. :)

Love these crepe myrtles... this was on the walk towards the 'toads'

one of the 'pioneer' buildings.. he looks natural there...with his stick...

She loved the covered wagon!

They both loved the teepee...

Yes - she touched the fox skin... then she asked me for the hand sanitizer... :)

Can you see doing this? Not me... glad I don't have too!

So glad I didn't have to grow up in a sod house too! :)

I had the best time today with my children.
I made a whole big lunch- and packed a huge cooler (with wheels) and as leaving realized Goldie -(the wonder dog) had eaten the coupon for the park! (sigh) Nothing like being late...
I picked up Patrick and Rachel and they were so engrossed in their 'electronic games' all the way to the park. (sigh again)

The day started chilly - 38 degrees and supposed to be 62 - but so sunny and just a glorious day.

I love The Arboretum - especially in the Spring - with everything in bloom it just seems so promising.

The children laughed and ran, ran and ran some more and laughed and rolled down hills of beautiful soft green grass.

The sun was warm the breeze was light and the fragrance of the hyacinth was everywhere! I had never seen so many hyacinth! The daffodils were tall and stately everywhere and the forsythia was the backdrop in so many areas.
The park has wonderful areas for the children - They have a pioneer village with buildings (all half size) and another area is a "Texas type houses and buildings, gardens, hand pump for water, a sod house and a tee pee! We spent most of our time in these areas!
We ran into two friends today! Amazing if you ask me - with the hundreds and hundreds of people there today! One of Patrick's classmates and friends from church! :)

We did find a small area of shamrocks - so appropriate for today! There is a small thatched cottage that is starting to show it's age I'm afraid... they used to have it surrounded with wild flowers and tulips but as much as I love pansies - they seemed a bit tired today.

Did I tell that while we were standing in line - I pulled my camera out to check it and realized I left the batteries at home? No? Well - it's not something I have EVER done before and immediately thought - "drive home and pick up the battery pack?" and immediately thought, "No - it's 40-50 miles home - just let it go Tammy" so I 'snapped pictures with the phone camera and was just thankful I had remembered my phone!" :)

It was a beautiful day and the most sun and fresh air we've had in had in a while! It was a wonderful time with the children and as I dropped them off at their grandparents to spend time with their dad - someone said, "Enjoy your quiet time" ... but you and I know coming home to an empty house is the furthest thing from "enjoyable" but do you know what? I had the most wonderful time with the children - laughing and listening to them talk and enjoy the sunshine. Hugs were plentiful and as we sat enjoying our time I know that this is a treasured place not only for me - but this year I think it's going to be a special place with the kiddos as well. We spread our blanket out several times and just talked and laughed with each other and I wouldn't trade that for anything!

I've been coming to this park since the 1980's and have enjoyed the changes over the years - but this year the changes were with me and I'm OK with that today . I know that God is good. I know He loves me. I know HE is going to protect me and I'm going to make it through this time. :)

Hope you enjoy the pictures!